Unhealthy "knitted relationships"

I'd like to highlight a few excerpts from the 3-page document about "knitted relationships". First, see how the literature explicitly warns that a nervous breakdown could occur as a result of these intense relationships.


Bill Turner (from the Staffordshire/Cheshire area) is known as a "prophet", and had an ongoing relationship with the church for a while. I have heard that he has since disassociated from the church, but have no confirmation of that.

It goes on to say that these relationships provoke "tremendous jealousy and opposition" - this is an understatement!


It seems even your thinking is controlled by these relationships, because your knitted partner is "in your face all the time spiritually".

This is the scariest part - and the part that ought to make you most angry, for it reeks of the worst kind of spiritual abuse: The threat that even the slightest sin, and even keeping secrets from your knitted partner can result in unbearable pain and loss of fellowship with God. Read this outrageous claim for yourself:

I can testify from the experience of my loved one that these knitted relationships are most definitely "in your face". My loved one was allowed no privacy, and was actually warned against spending too much time with her own family. And no wonder, if the price of privacy was "unbearable pain" and losing your fellowship with God.

Finally, there is the warning that the commitment required is a threat to other relationships, as many present and former members who have lost relationships with friends, family members and evens sons, daughters, mothers and fathers have found out.

"Knitted relationships" - documentation

Literature from Kirkby Christian Fellowship (c. 2001) on the subject of "knitted relationships". I'll offer a few comments in a later entry. Click on the thumbnails to enlarge and read in detail.

More disturbing testimonies from RickRoss.com

The discussion at Rick Ross Forums continues. One former member writes:

I was brought up in the fellowship, my parents were both members when I was born, so I got the dedication and everything. Neither of my parents were leaders. Its now been almost 10 years since I left the fellowship, I was so scared of leaving - I knew my parents would understand, but who else felt truly terrified of Cheryl and would start shaking whenever she came near you? After I left she even sent people round to the house to try and get me to come back.

After reading the posts on this website, I got off very lightly when I left. Most of what happened to me has only dawned on me now I am an adult. For example, I remember being called into a room with Cheryl, Dave, Mary and Graham when I was about 8. Cheryl pulled out a baby doll and proceeded to ask me to show her where on the doll any of my male family members had touched me. Its the kind of thing that a kid would not get on to, it is only recently that I have remembered this and it has really made me angry. Anyone else had this happen?

Another recalls her emotional devastation after being told through "prophecy" that she had been sexually abused by a family member:

I am shaking writing this. I have spent so many years alone and I see before me now my old friends who I love. I was taken aside by Cheryl and Dave they told me my Father had sexually abused me .I had no memories of this. At the age of 42 I still have no memories of this after much prayer and counselling over the years. I left home overnight as I was too frightened to go home . I had a breakdown over this. Many of you on this page took me in ...I was homeless.. I lived on peoples couches/sparerooms ,slept on floors looking after mentally ill people within the fellowship ,and I was having a breakdown. I identified with what one of you said I was terrified of Cheryl i used to shake when she looked at me. We had a joke going around the fellowship at the time. When we were called into her living room to be "counselled" we were sure there were threadbare patches on the edge of her sofa where other fellowship victims had dug there nails into the sofa in terror...

She continues:

I remember Cheryl telling me when she said my Dad had sexually abused me , that it was a lot more common place than I thought. I was horrified well as I said I was homeless overnight and had a breakdown. It seems Cheryl is obsessed with the idea of sexual abuse. I find that very bizarre...I think she has used it for separating the children from the parents ,so she gains more spiritual power.As she appears to be the only safe person you can turn to. Once she has the person under her control she then abuses them spiritually, mentally and emotionally. Knowing that they believe they will have no support from their parents. She did this to me with my Father , also at the same time she told my Mother was manipulative, controlling and was responsible for my abusive childhood by turning her back on me whilst my Father abused me.Me and my Mum where best friends always we even came to God together. It was basically overnight I became like an orphan. One of the cruelest experiences of my young life and it was all lies...

Another writes:

When I was there it was called Mount Zion Fellowship. They didnt have a building we were in the sports centre. One night I was there they stood like a hanging party and said they were going to discipline some fella cos he was in sexual sin. They brought him out in front of the Doyles and the elders and judged him asking him did he repent . He said no then he was told he could not have any contact with the fellowship untill he repented. They then told him that they were going to hand him over to Satan for the Destruction of the flesh so he would repent, he agrred and was lead out.Then the weirdest thing happened Cheryl and Dave started praying for him to be handed over to Satan , and they got all the fellowship to join in. It was the weirdest feeling I have ever had it still disturbs me today.I left after that. I dont think that was right it was scary for me and lots of other people walked out. The poor lad what he must have gone through?

Public shaming has been a major element of the abuse at Kirkby Fellowship, as other conversations I've had have confirmed. Someone else shares similar experiences:

I remember sexual sin being exposed there with young couples. I was in a relationship myself with a young man in the church and we had been fooling around and when it all kicked off i was terrifyed in case we were going to be draggged up. Fortunatly we were ok. but a friend of mine was totally humiliated in front of everybody. I think there does seem to be a preoccupation with sexuality in the fellowship.

And...

I was acused of being a gossip and a slanderer. But my humiliation was not done in front of the whole church. It was done in kennelwood avenue. After about two hours of me denying and them threatening me with destruction. It ended with the other person involved and myself being brought back into the same room and having to pick a stone out of a bag. Whoever picked the white stone was telling the truth and god loved them, and whoever picked the black one was lying and was going to die. Luckily for me I chose the white one. I don't know what happened with the other person after I left ...

One person identifies several things that many of the stories have in common:

1) Separating us from our families
2)Accusing family members of sexual abuse
3)If we voiced our opinions slapping us down saying that we are going to hell
4)Sending people and vulnerable little children to coventry -till they had breakdowns.
5)After leaving bad mouthing us to the fellowship ,so our friends minds were poisoned towards us.
6)Humiliating us publicly about our sexual conduct
7)Telling individuals that masturbation is a sin- in a very inapropriate manner.

Keep an eye on the forums, as activity seems to be picking up rapidly.

Control tactics

I was never a member of Kirkby Christian Fellowship, but a close family member was. I accompanied her to the church a few times. On one of these occasions - and perhaps I should have seen it sooner - the night's message was a classic cultish tactic to control and manipulate people.

The theme of the message was that our minds (our natural sense of reasoning) are fleshly and corrupt, and thus unreliable and untrustworthy. Listening to the "Spirit" was the opposite of listening to the "mind"; thus the mind should always take second place to the Spirit, no matter how foolish or nonsensical or hard-to-take something sounds.

Of course, with this philosophy, I could convince you to do anything. If I can convince you that your common sense, your conscience and your ability to make rational decisions is at fault, then what other option do you have than to believe and do exactly what your spiritual leaders tell you? If something sounds dangerous or destructive, I simply tell you that you're listening to your mind, and not the Spirit. If you are told to do something that defies all reason, I simply remind you that "reason" is corrupt, or even satanic, and that the Spirit (read: Kirkby Fellowship's teachings) is pure.

Is it any wonder, with this kind of teaching being pumped into the congregation, that the Fellowship can get away with dividing families, destroying friendships and leading people into mental breakdown?

Kirkby Fellowship discussions at Rick Ross Forums

Some ex-members have been talking over at Rick Ross Forums. Here are a few quotes from what's being said:

the way kirkby christian fellowship runs is this: at the top you have cheryl doyle, she has the final say an controls everything and as i understand it now, she is grooming another person to take over so they also rank pretty high in the chain of command, second down are the leaders of which there are pretty much two teirs, or the inner circle and the outer circle- the inner being closer to doyle and therefore more influential to the rest of the church, then you have the offspring of the leaders aged 25 and under usualy, they have clout because their parents lead the thing and then you basicly have everyone else. The basic aim of everyone below the inner circle is to reach the inner circle and get close to doyle- some people will never manage it but still try, some can swoop in and do it easy, and some gradualy move up the chain of command.

This means therfore that people will go to great lengths to be and stay acceptable, relationship wise-nothin gets past cheryl. Most if not all dating relationships request permission off her first, if they don't and are found out they are punished. Also, most dating relationships start with a veiw to marriage (only one ever whilst i was there ended without marriage). Therefore not only was ur friend goin against 'the done' thing by dating in secret- but to also be in a homosexual relationship would doubly have its repercussions.

Mostly the punishments are bein ostracised from the group- i.e being banned from a few meetings etc which in ther culture of acceptance from doyle at any cost, usualy makes them more desperate to get back into her good books.

And...

I have rebuilt my life and am continuing to rebuild. It has taken 10 yrs just to deal with the pain, I am still facing issues today because I turned to drugs and alcohol to numb the pain and the feeling of hoplessness.

And...

Cheryl always uses a technique that was used by Hitler "Divide to Conquer". I have worked for big business corporations since leaving Kirkby Fellowship and it amazed me they use the same management technique as Cheryl. ... everyone had been informed at a meeting that I was no good and they should not have anything to do with me. People were banned from attending my christian wedding at the time. Then I found out they watched my wedding video and ripped it to bits.

By the way, a couple of years ago, I spoke to another Christian leader in the area about Kirkby Christian Fellowship. His response? He said abuses even happen at the local golf club. He said the Fellowship wasn't a cult. He said the accusations were coming from a handful of embittered people who wanted leadership and couldn't have it.

Contact

Do you have information about Kirkby Christian Fellowship? If want to share information, or simply share your story, get in touch.

I am eager to hear from you. Please email me.

Kirkby Christian Fellowship literature

Someone very close to me suffered a nervous breakdown because of her involvement with Kirkby Christian Fellowship. Surprising? It should not have been, since the literature given to her when she joined the church actually warned her that the teaching was so intense, some people had experienced breakdowns. (Yes, literature given to her by the church!)


The teaching being referred to here was known as "knitted relationships", an unhealthily close pattern of relationships encouraged by the church leadership. Being made "totally dependent on the other person" to the point of having a "level of pain" that "some people can't cope" with, and which might lead to "nervous breakdowns", is what psychologists refer to as "codependence".

More about knitted relationships later.